My Negative Postnatal Hospital Experience - READ WITH CAUTION | Tongue Tie, feeding plans and Baby Blues. May cause triggers.
If you would like to read about my birth with Emily and why I had an unplanned c-section, you can read it here.
When I arrived on the postnatal ward, after my unplanned caesarean section, I was in a bay with 6 other beds in. All beds were occupied and the women in them, had all been in theatre for delivery of their babies. Not everyone had had a c-section, but some women had needed a forceps delivery in theatre, or needed 3rd or 4th degree tears, that needed stitching up in theatre. The first few hours were a bit of a blur and we were still messaging family and friends about the arrival of our new baby girl, who was born on her Daddy's birthday. A day that will never be the same again, for her Daddy. A birthday that Emily and her Daddy share together. As Emily laid fast asleep in her crib next to us, I couldn't believe she was all ours, I couldn't believe she'd been born on James's birthday and I couldn't believe the birth I had just experienced, that I was far from what I was expecting.
Later that morning, a student midwife came to see me. She got me out of bed, onto my feet and tried to get me to walk. That was a huge shock to the body. My legs had only just got their feeling back and I felt weak and wobbly. I sat on the edge of the bed and pulled myself onto my feet. My heavy belly that I'd been used to carrying around, suddenly felt lighter, but I struggled to straighten my body. My core had completely gone and I was stood up, but all hunched over. A maternity support worker escorted me to the toilet and helped me to change my maternity pad. I still had a catheter in, so she helped me to empty the bag and hold the tube out of the way. Wow, where has my dignity gone!? A complete stranger was in the toilet with me and I couldn't even do the most straight forward tasks anymore. However, at that time, I really didn't care and I was just grateful for the support. As I turned to leave the toilet, I caught site of myself in the mirror. I was so white and pale, I hardly recognised myself.
When I returned to my bed, the student midwife suggested that we put Emily to the breast, for a breastfeed. She left us to it for awhile and whilst she was gone, James noticed that Emily might have been tongue tied. He's not an expert in these things, but he remembered us talking about it during our antenatal and birth preparation classes. When the student midwife returned, he mentioned it to her. She took a look and said, yes she might be, but as long as she's feeding fine, it's not a problem and she might just grow up with a bit of a lisp when she's older. I wasn't too impressed with this comment, but I was still very sleepy and drugged up from the surgery, so accepted the answer and continued to try to feed Emily. It was very tricky to get Emily to latch at first and the midwife helped me and showed me what to do. She then suggested that we used a syringe and tried hand expressing colostrum to Emily. Emily was very sleepy that first morning, but by the afternoon she was crying for milk. Giving her colostrum in a syringe and attempting to breastfeed in between, seemed to be satisfying Emily.
By 8pm that evening, it was time for James to leave. He made sure that Emily had a clean nappy on before he left and got me some fresh water to have near to my bed. He put Emily into her crib, fast asleep and said goodbye. The first 30 minutes went well and I tried to catch up with unanswered texts. Then Emily started to cry. She had a very loud cry and still does. The kind of cry that hurts your ears. Maybe that's just because I'm her Mum and it's natures way of not letting me ignore her! I wriggled myself out of the bed and very slowly made my way over to her crib. By this point, she was very angry with me. I picked her up and slowly carried her back to bed with me. I tried to latch her onto my breast, but she just continued to cry. I pressed my call button and a midwife came to help me. She managed to attach Emily to my breast and left us to it. Emily fell asleep and I careful and slowly wriggled my aching body back onto the edge of the bed and carried Emily back to her crib. 10 minutes later, Emily woke up crying again. This time she needed a nappy change. I slowly got the things out that I needed and painfully changed her nappy. The first nappy I'd changed, as James had been doing them up until then. Once Emily was changed, I put her back into her crib and got back into bed, ready to get some sleep. I'd just dropped off and Emily wanted feeding again. I was so tired and weary, after getting in and out of bed all the time and so I pressed my call button. The maternity care assistant came and picked up Emily for me and passed her over. The MCA helped me to get Emily to latch and then left. She said, when you want her putting back into her crib, just press your button. Once Emily was sleeping on my chest and finished her feed, I pressed my call button, but nobody came. I pressed it again and again and again. Still nobody came. An hour or so went by and I was sitting up in bed, feeling very uncomfortable and holding a sleeping baby against my sore body. In the end, I decided to put Emily back into her crib myself, even though it was very painful getting in and out of bed and quite tricky manoeuvring, as I was still attached to a catheter and I still had a cannula in my hand.
The hours passed by and we were into the early hours of the next morning. I still hadn't slept, as either Emily was crying, another baby on the ward was crying, I was getting my blood pressure and temperature regularly taken or a new admission came onto the ward. When new admissions arrive, they are not quiet about it, even if it is the middle of the night. One lady was taken out of the ward in the middle of the night and after she'd gone, the porter arrived and was cleaning down her bed space and preparing it for the next admission. I was so glad when visiting time arrived and James could come back. The breakfast room was at the end of the corridor. I was certainly not in a position to walk down there and get breakfast. Plus, how was I meant to leave Emily unattended whilst I was getting breakfast? If I was going to attempted the long, slow walk, a few small steps away, it wasn't going to be quick. So, I had to wait until James arrived, so that he could get me my breakfast. Unfortunately, the staff were too busy to assist or were not around.
We had a really difficult day with Emily that day, she was crying constantly and nothing we did would stop her from crying. Midwives would tell us that she's just hungry and to keep feeding, but it didn't help. I was dreading when James was going to have to leave us again and I really needed to get some sleep. I'd not slept in over 48 hours and I was exhausted. I couldn't face another night like last night. We asked a midwife when she thought we'd be able to go home. She said that the plan was to send us home tomorrow, after the Dr had seen me and the paediatrician had seen Emily. I was so happy, I couldn't wait to get home.
James left and again, Emily and I were fending for ourselves. The night was a repeat of the previous night, but worse! Emily was crying more, she was feeding more and I was even more exhausted. I was pressing my call button again and again and again, but nobody came. I was wondering whether they'd just got sick of me calling them for help all the time. I felt so bad for all the other Mum's and baby's, stuck in a ward with me and Emily. It was 5.35am and I couldn't take it anymore. I put Emily into her cot, picked up my little catheter bag and I slowly waddled my way down the corridor, to the midwife station, where there were 3 midwives laughing and having a chat. When I got there, I burst into tears and said, please you have to help me! I've been pressing my call button for hours and nobody has come. I'm exhausted and my baby won't stop crying. The midwife walked me back to my bed and told me that they hadn't heard me buzzing and took a look at my buzzer. It turned out that my buzzer was broken!! She helped me back into bed and helped me to settle down Emily, who was screaming at the top of her lungs!! I kept thinking that I needed to get home and thank goodness I'm going home today, because I can't take another night like this.
Later that day, the Dr came to see me and checked my scar and felt my tummy. She said that she was happy with my healing and that I could be discharged later that day, provided that the paediatrician was happy with Emily. We were told that the paediatrician was doing her rounds and she would be with us soon. I started to pack up my things and I was so excited to be going home. When the paediatrician arrived, she took a look at Emily and she was concerned. Emily's fontanelle was very sunken and she was dehydrated. The paediatrician looked into Emily's mouth and saw that she was tongue tied. No wonder I was struggling to breastfeed and no wonder Emily was constantly crying and feeding. Emily was taken straight away, to get her tongue tie separated and was put on a feeding plan. I was told that she needed to be given bottles of formula to hydrate her quickly and that I would need to breastfeed and pump, to get my milk established. The midwife explained to me that because of Emily being so dehydrated and loosing 17% of her birth weight, it meant that we couldn't go home that day. I burst into tears! I couldn't face another night on that ward. The baby blues had now kicked in and I was an emotional wreck. I was still trying to come to terms with my birth experience, I was recovering from major surgery, I was trying to breastfeed, I was now on a feeding plan, I had not slept in days and now my baby was dehydrated. It was all too much for me to cope with all at once. The midwife explained that we needed to get Emily's weight back up to her birth weight and once we were there, I could then go home. I was still very upset, but I accepted their decisions. Once the midwife left, James went to have a word with her and he advocated for me. I was so proud of him and so thankful. He asked if I could have a private room, to allow me to get some sleep. As I was now classed as a clinical need, I was given a side room and taken off the ward. It made such a difference. That night, a midwife and maternity care assistant took it in turns to sit with me. They helped me to breastfeed, they chatted to me and supported me through the night. When the midwife needed to go and do her ward rounds, she took Emily and put her in the nursery for a few hours. She fed her a bottle of formula and some expressed milk that I'd produced. This allowed me to get a few hours sleep and it really made a big difference to my recovery and postnatal experience in hospital. I got much better care, having a member of staff with me for most of the night, helping me with Emily and allowing me to get some quiet and some sleep. I had an extra 2.5 days in hospital, until Emily's weight was back to her birth weight. We were discharged later that day and home had never felt so good.
Reflecting back, I wish that James and I had been more forceful when we suspected Emily having tongue tie. If this had been picked up within the first few hours of her being born, (when James detected it), a lot of our negative, postnatal hospital experience, could have been avoided. Always trust your gut and your instincts!
Not all postnatal hospital experiences are like mine and I was unfortunate that I had a broken buzzer and a tongue tied baby. My postnatal hospital experience of my second child, was so different. Never be afraid to ask for help, listen to your instincts and pack ear plugs and an eye mask in your hospital bag. White noise also works really well at blocking out external noises and can help to settle your baby really well. Have a supportive birth partner, who can advocate for you too, this can be so helpful during birth and the postnatal period. If you have done a hypnobirthing course during pregnancy, your hypnobirthing tools will come in really useful during the postnatal and healing period too. Feeling calm and relaxed can really help aid recovery.
Although my postnatal experience in hospital was a negative one, with Emily, I'm glad I have this experience, to allow me to support my clients better. Having an understanding of what they are going through or experiencing, can really help me to support them better. I understand what could have made my experience better, I can empathise with them and I can offer information and support. Understanding what women and partners might need, is really important.
If you would like me to support you during pregnancy, labour, birth or the postnatal period, then please contact me. Alternatively, if you'd like to do a hypnobirthing course with me and reduce any fears or anxieties that you might have about birth, then please get in touch.
Julia x